It all starts with the preparation - and by that, I'm mainly referring to dress code. There is one basic rule of women's fashion here (but many sub-rules) - You can never be overdressed. Ever. Should you look like someone went crazy with a bedazzler in your general vicinity? Absolutely. At all times. Well, most times. And that's what makes it tough. Often, you can figure out what will be most appropriate based on the men's dress code which is much more straight forward. For social functions here (so far at least), they are either open collar or closed collar (with tie). Common sense would say that closed collar would correspond to a more formal sari since a tie is more dressy than an open collar shirt. But that's where you'd be wrong. All "fancy" events I've been to so far have been open collar. Less fancy saris are required for shirt and tie events. Go figure. So the dinner events - which start no earlier than 8pm and all include children (but not ours) - are open collar and therefore fancy sari events.
Arrival at the dinner event is a carefully coordinated activity. Everyone should arrive before the instructor and his family, but everyone should also be standing when they arrive, and at least one person and his spouse should be ready to greet them at the door and "escort" them to the table. The reason no one can really sit until the instructor arrives is because he and his wife (who never sit at the same table - men at the men's table, women at the women's) are always the first to select seats and sit down. So far, each of our large dinners has been a buffet-style meal, and this seems to be fairly common. The women get their food first - the instructor's spouse is always first, generally I'm somewhere at the front of the line as well even when I try to let others go first. I would not find it unusual for another spouse to accompany me through the line and fill my plate for me - always piled high with meat. Last night, I was able to get all of my own food (Thai and Chinese) and was fairly pleased with the food selection. There is no point in trying to put everything on your plate the first time through as you are expected to return to the buffet table at least twice. Anything less and you must not truly be enjoying the food.
You can never fully empty your plate either or it will be assumed that you're still hungry. A truly full person - little known fact - is actually so full that they just can't manage to eat that last bite of food. So you leave it on your plate along with your fork and knife/spoon slightly crossed in the middle of your plate.
Then you proceed to the dessert table, but again, only in the prescribed order. After dessert, the men will adjourn outside the restaurant (generally to a balcony or outdoor seating area of some sort) while the women either join them or not depending on what the instructor's wife prefers. We all go as a group though. After this (which can be anywhere from 5 to 20 minutes) there is generally some sort of photograph to commemorate the event - women only - and then the instructor and his family leave followed by everyone else. Dinner usually concludes around 10:30.
As a side note, generally the spouses do not speak in English - though many of them can - during the meal. So while every now and then, someone will make conversation or explain to me the general topic that everyone else is discussing, it is not unusual to understand little to nothing of what is being discussed. The men are required to speak English (it's part of the officer culture), so even at events outside the classroom, they tend to speak English - at least when their instructor is around. This was probably the most difficult part of social functions at first, but I have found that everyone has been extremely friendly. And really, even if they don't speak much English, their English is always invariably better than my Bangla, and I'm the visitor in their country. So I try to keep things in perspective!
No comments:
Post a Comment